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View Full Version : The Mind Wonders (Painful Jokes Ahoy)



Grimno
04-04-2013, 12:12 AM
As I play Defiance, going from quest to quest, i can't help but let my mind wonder around aimlessly and come up with bizarre one-liners and storys with everything I see.

Warning, some of these are for content some may not have reached yet, and so if you don't care for potential spoilers, read on!
Some are jokes, some are teamspeak conversations...


TEAMSPEAK Conversations

"So in the future we now record everything on giant cassette tapes. Aight."

"I hate this, mine alley, mine valley, mine whatever track. Heading toward the bend, and there's a Monarch sitting there! Of course I try to drift through and it decides I should be flying fifty feet the OPPOSITE DIRECTION!"

"I would fly into the only tree on this hill..."

"This game was rated PG... and then we meet Lawkeeper Cooper."

"So it's a Hulkish Raider huh? You know he looks a lot like that one guy... can't remember his name... was big and green, and very Hulkish too. Gee wizz I am stumped."


---------------------------------------------

Cooper - "I need someone like you to get this done for me."
*Drives to the area right as another player kills the last enemy*
~MISSION COMPLETE~
Cooper - "I don't know how you did it, but you're a bad *** for sure."

Player - *drives down the road casually. Sees a lone hellbug. Runs it over and doesn't stop*
~FEEDING FRENZY MISSION COMPLETE~
+3 Passcodes
Player - "I am awesome."


Scientist - "I'm going to create, a new breed of super soldier! He's going to be big..."
Assistant - "Oooh, hulkish!"
Scientist - "And cybernetic!"
Assistant - "Ah i like where this is going. What will he use for a weapon? A massive laser? A gatling gun?!"
Scientist - "A HAMMER!"
Assistant - ".... a what now?"
Scientist - "And he'll not have a glowing orange weakpoint..."
Assistant - "That's good I m~"
Scientist - "HE'LL HAVE SEVEN! And if one blows, he'll need to vent.... and this is vital as if he gets hurt there, he could die."
Assistant - "So we'll have to put it somewhere people can't hit i~"
Scientist- "His entire chest."

Player - *stares down hole in the Mother Lode dungeon at the end. Jumps down*
~Breaks legs on impact~
Player - "OH DEEEAR GOD! WHAT WAS I THINKING?! OH **** ME MY LEGS ARE BUTTER! WHY DID I THINK I WAS SUPER HUMAN!? I"M A NORMAL DUDE WHO CAN"T FALL SEVEN STORIES AND BRUSH IT OFF! OH **** ME THAT IS A GIANT HAMMER WEILDING CYBER HULK! I AM REGRETTING THIS DECISION ALREADY!"

Player - *sees Top Tech facility* "... i want to ramp off that."

"In war. War is not about who has the best shot, or who can drive that car the best. It's about shotguns. And how much you can jump..."


Player - *drives*
~STOP THE AMBUSH!~
Player - *drives another 10 feet*
~KILL THE BUGS!~
Player - *drives another 10 feet*
~INVESTIGATE THE VEHICAL!~
Player - *drives another 10 feet*
~SAVE THE HOSTAGES!~
Player - *drives another 10 feet*
~HELP THE E-REP SOLDIERS DEFEAT THE MUTANTS!~
Player - *goes off road to get away from the road*
~KILL THE MONARCH!~
Player - *goes even further off road, grumbling angrilly*
~MAJOR ARKFALL!!!!~
Player - "**** DYNAMIC EVENTS!!!"

Hopswigh
04-04-2013, 12:13 AM
I was thinking about taking a picture of my guy next to Coop where he's just leaning on that wall before you go into a mission with him...and captioning it "Hanging with Mr. Cooper."