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Katosu
04-05-2013, 09:51 PM
Y'know, part of the thing I like about any good game is the FanFiction. I love both reading and writing fanfiction. I am not sure if this belongs here in General-PC, but I feel it fits best here as when I write I try to use people I meet / befriend, and always ask their permission.

Some people like my writing, and some people hate it - please do not be shy to speak in one direction or another.

With that out of the way, here's the first chapter. :3

EDIT: The original post was written before the first episode of Defiance aired and was based solely off the game. I didn't realize they went with a bit more of a realistic Sci-Fi (No Kinetic Barriers) approach, so I re-wrote the first chapter to match a bit more of a realistic tone.

The gentle hills of Mount Tram are always a wonderful place to take a break in. Often times, you could only hear the faint hum of a generator nearby - often giving protection, lighting, or heating to those who need it most. Likewise, in other places, you could hear chaos - run down helicoptors making drops, the sound of bullets and death in a field of battle, or the screaching of the Hellbugs as they took another innocent victim. These were the ambient sounds that created an occassional dissonance within a possibly peaceful situation.

In this case, Katosu had been sitting beneath a tree for some time outside a run-down building. His back to the wall as he gently reloaded a double-barrel combat shotgun, blue-green eyes to the sky as he seemed to watch the distant sky. His purple armor - an old keepsake - adorned his body and protected him from neck to toe, leaving only his face exposed. Blue paintings ran the length from his cheekbones to his chin, and his hair was in a mohawk with multiple lines of hair running either side of his head.

He slowly raised his body with a soft grunting sound. He moved from the tree where he had caught his breath, slowly pacing over to the building itself as he pressed his back to the wall. He moved slowly, step by step to the side, until he reached the corner of the building. He peaked around the corner, trying to take a look at whatever he could.

From the brief moment he peeked around, he could see it - a small group of two skitterlings, and one larger skitter, all gathered around a corpse. He bit into the lower of his lip deeply. The stress of pressure on his lips was visible to any looking. His eyes narrowed aggressively on the targets as he pulled back away from the corner and hid himself. Just in time at that - as one of the skitterlings seemed to jerk and look in his direction.

He lifted his shotgun, inspecting it for a quick moment. <i>'5 shots'<i> he'd whisper gently to himself as he observed the weapon. It wasn't that many, but it would have to do. That was all he had, bullet wise. At least until the next supply drop brought him some extra ammunition.

Reaching to his belt, he felt at the round objects attached. Each had a long cylinder leading up to a pin at the very top. The roundness of the edges were very smooth, a clear professionally-made weapon. He had exactly one hanging from his belt, none on his adjacent side to fall back on. A low 'Ts' left his lips as he seemed to hiss out silently to himself.

'I can't use that here.' He'd think to himself as he removed his hand from the grenade. 5 shots, and an unusable grenade. His situation, to him, was almost hopeless. He wished he'd had a distraction about now, but that body was much more important to him than any safety. 'There's only one way I am going to find out.'

A brief rush of air left his lips. He took his shotgun in both hands – one hand on the hand of the gun and a finger short of the trigger – not on it yet as he wasn't ready to fire yet. The other hand rested on the barrel of the shotgun, ready to steady it for a firefight the moment he needed to. He swept his body out from behind the corner and made a dash forward – straight after the Hellbugs.

The moment his heavy footsteps began to ring out through the air, the beasts turned towards him. A loud hiss from the little skitterlings rang at his ears. The larger one's body seemed to shiver – was it with anticipation? Or was it just the beast's natural movement of its own body? Even Katosu seemed to grin a bit as his feet picked up the pace.

In response to his boldness, the first two little skitterlings made a line straight for him. Neither one hesitating, he could tell he would have one shot at this. Once they were in range, he brought his arm up and aimed the gun. A finger quickly danced to the trigger as he pulled it once. A quick blast left the barrel – impacting heavily on one of the two tiny little skitterlings. The impact caused the beast to fall to the ground and become motionless – a good contrast to the other skitterling that continued to move at him.

Powerful hindlegs pressed into the ground behind the skitterling. Its entire body launched at him through the air. He looked up, and at the last second put his weapon up. Teeth sank into his weapon. The beast this close was slightly larger than his head, but the impact of the leap caused him to fall to his back, struggling to keep the beast from biting into him. Katosu jerked his weapon away suddenly, just hard enough to rip his weapon from the maw of the beast, before jerking around and smacking it once in the face. It would fall to his side, equally limp. The small ones were fast – but frail enough to take care of. Still, too many of them and you'd find yourself at a loss for blood quickly.

He looked ahead – the larger one had started to charge for him. 'Four shots.' He'd shake his head. Even at point-blank, that wasn't enough. He reached down for the grenade at his side, ripping it away. One would be able to trace his eyes dancing from the one charging him to the body behind it that it protected. He knew he couldn't throw the grenade, yet he had it in his hand, making his shotgun impossible to accurately control and another hand completely useless.

Still he charged forward. He knew he had little to no time. And once that beast came to just before him, his foot reached up and pressed to its head to stop it. It was a forward push-kick, directly stopping it hard and fast. His shotgun came down and pressed into its mouth, serving as a quick-wedge to hold it's mouth open. With a fluid movement, he used his thumb to removed the pin from the top of the grenade and throw it into the beast's mouth.

Sadly, such movements are not without flaw. The beast's body was easily twice his size. Once the initial impact and daze of his kick had worn off, the beast was at a perfect distance – one of its massive claws raised up, and swiped at his body in a heavy horizontal motion. It would land heavily on his side, causing him to wince hard as the force of the impact sent his body flailing a few feet away. He'd roll a few circles and away until he came fully onto his stomach. Looking up from a downed position, he could see the beast had the grenade in its mouth. With a quick motion, he lowered his head to the ground, covered the back of his head and neck, and buried his face to the dirt.

A loud explosion goes off. A loud ringing meant that he could not hear the resulting thump of the body on the ground. He raised his head up from the earth, shaking his head from the shock of the explosion. A ringing now filled his ears, but he could tell the beast would not get up after that. He slowly moved to rise his body from the ground, but winced in pain from where it had hit him.

A low cough left his mouth, causing him to fight to regain his breath for a moment. He was greatful for his armor, but even still it did a shoddy job of protecting against such a heavy impact. He finally willed himself to stand, and slowly walked over towards the body.

He dropped his shotgun a few steps away, before kneeling down next to the body. The face was mutilated beyond belief, but one could tell just from the body that it was a Votan female. He shook his head as he reached to his side, pulling out a small device. He ran it along the length of the body, staring at the device intently as he did so.

“Keiyrti...” He'd mumble, closing his eyes before a slight 'Bing!' left the device he held. He opened his eyes quickly, and just as quickly, a sigh of relief left his mouth. 'NEGATIVE' was emblazoned on the screen of the device, and though the sight in front of him was sad – it was clealry a relief to him.

He'd push away from the body, turning around and grabbing his shotgun. He'd look back once at the body – before turning his head and looking forward with a faint shaking of the head.

Lawnboi
04-05-2013, 09:53 PM
i unno.............

Katosu
04-20-2013, 10:58 PM
i unno.............

You replied to the original post. I would love to know if you like the modified version more.

Further, I'd love your constructive feedback. 'I unno' is a little vague - can you let me know any further feelings you might have on it?

Kublakhan
04-20-2013, 11:27 PM
Holy crap.... You think shooter kiddies are going to take the time to read that wall of text?? lol you would be better off making a video and putting on the Youtube lol :)

Zreion
04-20-2013, 11:46 PM
Holy crap.... You think shooter kiddies are going to take the time to read that wall of text?? lol you would be better off making a video and putting on the Youtube lol :)

I don't think he is aiming for " shooter kiddies " to read this. I do believe he is aiming at those of us that actually grew up in an age where we did not get everything we ask for, an our parents still did punish us when we misbehaved.

In the mean while, I do like your story so far good Sir, I do believe that you should keep going at the pace you have it, So what if the main show has aired already, Keep this going from a player view of just the game. From what i get from the bit you have provided, Keep this as this char's story of the time frame. Very nice job in laying out the details of the Char while not going too in depth to keep the readers attention and not go over board on the details, the fight scene was well done and worded, as well with the mystery of the votan female, the way the scan came up negitive shows that he is looking for something or someone special to him. A very nice touch to keep the story open. I for one wish you to keep going with this and look forward to reading the next bit

Katosu
04-21-2013, 12:13 PM
Holy crap.... You think shooter kiddies are going to take the time to read that wall of text?? lol you would be better off making a video and putting on the Youtube lol :)

Mmm, it is a little text-heavy, but it is moreso for those who would enjoy reading fanfiction. :3 I think likewise, the TV series exists in a way that not necessarily everyone will watch. It's nice to have it around.

Still, I'll take your advice and try to add a visual component - I think some pictures from combat might be fun to do, or at least one at the end of a chapter. It sorta makes sense to me. :3 YouTube stories are a little too limiting to me, but is also possible if I can get a decent recording software.


I don't think he is aiming for " shooter kiddies " to read this. I do believe he is aiming at those of us that actually grew up in an age where we did not get everything we ask for, an our parents still did punish us when we misbehaved.

In the mean while, I do like your story so far good Sir, I do believe that you should keep going at the pace you have it, So what if the main show has aired already, Keep this going from a player view of just the game. From what i get from the bit you have provided, Keep this as this char's story of the time frame. Very nice job in laying out the details of the Char while not going too in depth to keep the readers attention and not go over board on the details, the fight scene was well done and worded, as well with the mystery of the votan female, the way the scan came up negitive shows that he is looking for something or someone special to him. A very nice touch to keep the story open. I for one wish you to keep going with this and look forward to reading the next bit

Ah, my appologies, my introduction was a little vague. I had written an entirely different first chapter assuming that Gameplay = Story. I disliked the disconnect, and so I actually re-wrote the entire first chapter (changed the introduction, storyboard, etc...) I'll definitely keep it in the scope of the character's view. And I really do love your criticism, thank you very much for the advice and kind words!