tl;dr:
I can't play with people who aren't logged in.
The point is, I'm on a server alone.
I'm on a quiet server alone much of the time.
I get put on a server alone.
My friends list shows that the people on it aren't logged in, and many of them haven't logged in for a while.
I added 4 friends to my list in the last week alone.
They haven't been back since they accepted the friend requests.
I'm not playing alone on purpose.
I have no active friend to jump to.
I've logged out several times in a row a few nights to see if I'd get put on an active shard.
Great, I may be put on a more active shard or not, I don't know.
My friends list is still grey, and I'm the only one, or one of the two or three, who are AT the 'major events, falls, breaks', whatever.
I can't participate as part of a crowd at an event if the other people don't show up to carry their weight.
Which means I solo it, which I stated in the OP as something I wasn't going to do anymore.
Or I just don't even try anymore, which is one of the only two other options.
The third option is that I spend all my play time driving to events that so far aren't being populated by other players, whereby I don't get anything done but driving from event to event without actually getting any gameplay in.
This is a coop/MMO type shooter game, not a 'drive around looking at all the events you wont participate in as a solo player' game.