trying to bypass router and hook directly into the ps3 from modem
UPDATE OKOK so honestly i dont know wtf was happening.
It seems as if there was a PSN update that had to be done, ... but it said it was a software update once i launched Defiance. it was v 1.02 or 1.2 tbh i cannot remember frustration has gripped me in rage repair mode.
So after hooking the modem directly to ps3 the update went thru, then i was able to hit the Defiance splash page that says "press start" ( i was previously not able to see it only hear the music in the background of the black screen with white text saying software update) so this excited me like YES 
So then i had to wait for 8 minutes of patching for DEFIANCE v 1.013 which i had not previously ever seen but thought was giving me trouble.
The patch completed. and went back to landing page saying Press Start, i press start and .........
CRITICAL
The Defiance service is not available.
Please try again later
HOLY SHTAKO WHAT A DAY ! 
over all i am glad i had this morning off to be able to diagnose and repair,
I have been working my butt off with 2 jobs as of late.
turned out my router was blocking some bogus psn update, and it appeared that it was a defiance update..
once router was out of equation it suceeded but it seems the servers are down now ? ill go check status..